June 2003 Judith A. Swack and Associates, Inc. Newsletter
Have you struggled with weight all of your life or even just recently? Do you find dieting and exercising physically, emotionally, and mentally stressful? Have you had your thyroid tested and there is nothing wrong with it? Do you know what works for you and yet … you don’t do it? If you are like me and many of my clients who found self care to be a burdensome project, you are probably unconsciously (or consciously) caught in a belief system that says, “Neglect Is a Way of Life and It’s All About Neediness.”
What is the “Neglect Is a Way of Life” belief system?
A belief system is a large pattern that runs through a family system for generations and also runs through many societies and cultures. The common cultural attitude that “children are to be seen and not heard” is characteristic of families and societies that neglect children’s feelings and needs because they do not consider children to be people. These children conclude that what they want and need does not exist in the universe and fear that "I cannot get what I need to survive." It doesn’t take long for these children to decide that neglect is just a way of life, and they feel chronically and secretly needy.
What do children do in a situation like that? They internalize the family pattern of neglect by neglecting themselves and later their children. They also come to believe that they should not have needs and feel that they are bad for having needs. To deal with the overwhelming feelings of grief, hopelessness, despair, rage, fear, and powerlessness children develop coping strategies such as:
Burying the grief and heartache under anger and burying the anger under indifference
Making up stories that assume that what you want and need does exist in your family but there is some reason why you are not getting it. Typical stories include,
A. I don’t deserve to get my needs met because I’m bad or unworthy
B. I don’t know the rules on how to get my needs met.
C. Making excuses for the parents. My parents really could give me what I need if only they weren’t sick, alcoholic, depressed, overwhelmed, abused in childhood, too busy, etc.
Becoming compulsively independent and self-sufficient.
Settling for what you can get, doing without, or not even bothering to ask for what you need.
Becoming a control freak
Suffering in silence
Taking care of everyone else’s needs before your own and feeling guilty about allowing anyone to care for you.
Sadly, during childhood and later on in life, this pattern prevents people from being able to receive love, nurturing, help, and support that is available elsewhere.
Fortunately, I developed a two-three session intervention to heal this entire pattern from the conscious, unconscious, body, and soul levels of a person’s being. When we cleared this pattern using Healing from the Body Level Up SM (HBLU™) methodology, I and several of my other clients easily changed eating and exercising habits to successfully lose weight and maintain that weight loss without stress. We also started taking care of ourselves in other areas of our lives that we had previously neglected and got amazing results! In other words, we all felt that it was easy and natural to take care of and nurture ourselves in all areas of our lives.
Copyright 2003 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D.
January 2015 Judith A. Swack and Associates, Inc. Newsletter