Mary-Jane remarked that she was feeling very stressed about Christmas this year. She had just started a new job, and wouldn’t get her first paycheck till a week before Christmas. She wanted to buy her children wonderful gifts and put on a perfect Christmas, but as a single mother, she couldn’t really afford what she had in mind. She remarked, “Whatever I do, it won’t be good enough, and they’ll be disappointed anyway.” I thought, how common is this hysteria about creating a perfect Christmas, sending cards, buying everyone you know a meaningful gift that they have to like, creating the perfect celebration, etc, etc, etc. It feels to me like a seduction by an ideal. Sure enough, muscle testing revealed that Mary-Jane was being seduced by an Ideal of Christmas. In the following weeks, I found it in many of my other clients, some of whom felt like running away so they didn’t have to deal with it. In the spirit of having a truly wonderful holiday, I’m giving you the protocol for easily clearing yourselves of this pattern.
What is a Seduction Pattern? Seduction patterns arise from a trauma that causes a person to feel dead or empty inside. The dead part does not want to be dead or empty, but it does not know how to bring itself back to life. It believes that the only way it can come back to life is if somebody outside of itself gives it what it needs to come back to life. We call these life and death requirements promised gifts/benefits.
In a seducee pattern, the person being seduced (seducee) attempts to get what he/she needs by accepting gifts/benefits or the promise of gifts/benefits from the seducer. The seducee pays for what he/she gets by allowing the seducer to drain him/her of positive qualities like energy, joy, and compassion. In a seducer strategy, the person doing the seducing (seducer) tries to get what he/she needs by offering to provide the gifts/benefits (i.e. bribing) or by threatening or doing other manipulative behaviors. In effect, the promise from both seducer and seducee is, “I’ll bring you to life with what I’m offering.”
Sadly, it is not really possible for someone outside of you to completely bring you to life. The most that anyone gets in a seduction pattern is a small amount of what the dead part needs, and it is insufficient, perverted, and unsatisfying. Both parties are hooked on the crumb of what they have gotten and the hope of more to come. Neither side can let go because the dead part is afraid that if it gives up what little it is getting it will go back to being completely dead which is unacceptable. You can usually tell if you’re seducing or someone is seducing you if you feel frustrated and drained after interacting with that person!
Seduction by Ideals Everything in life is a process. In a seduction by an ideal, the person believes (consciously or unconsciously) that they will only get rewarded after they have attained the particular ideal they seek. Since an ideal is a glorified representation of something you aspire to that by definition is unattainable, nothing you accomplish is ever good enough. Soon you get discouraged and give up. Sadly, you can be seduced by ideals that aren’t even your own. My clients have been seduced by their mother’s, their family’s, and society’s ideal of Christmas, as well as their own.
The only way to free yourself of a seduction by an ideal is towrite out what you are desperately hoping to get by achieving that ideal and say a prayer asking God to free you. The intervention works instantly regardless of attitudes toward or belief in God.
Free Yourself of the Ideal of Christmas
Write out whose ideal you are being seduced by, and list what you are trying to get by achieving that ideal.”
Locate in your body where you feel desperate for these benefits.
Say the prayer:
“I reject this message, that first I have to achieve this ideal of __________ before I can get any of the benefits of: _____ (read the list of critical elements) and I renounce these gifts, and I pray God to free me from you ideal of ______ seducing entity, and I pray God to heal all parts of myself, associated parts and disassociated parts, disowned and disowning parts, and etc. And I pray God to free me from this seduction pattern, because that’s all it is, and I pray God to free me from this whole pattern and everything that made me vulnerable to it (feel free to embellish here), and I pray God to provide me with anything else I need in the benefits areas.”
Now, you will be able to create a Christmas celebration that is personal and meaningful to you! Have a joyful holiday.
Part 2: Results
It was one of the nicest Christmases I’ve had. I had fun. Who knew Christmas could be fun? I was conscious of people hugging and laughing. I was more present and there than I’d ever been. In the past I would have been thinking ahead of myself worrying about what I should have done or still had to do or what I could have done better, or were the food, presents, etc. good enough.
This year I didn’t make any Christmas cookies. Nobody noticed, and I didn’t even think about this until Judith brought it up during our session. For years and years I had made a different type of cookies for each of 12 days, not ordinary cookies but specialty Christmas cookies.
My boyfriend and children made Christmas dinner while I sat on the couch, watched TV and drank tea, and it was their idea. My boyfriend makes better stuffing than I do, and my kids felt good about doing it as a present for me. In the past, I made the entire Christmas dinner myself. I would search through magazines for the perfect Christmas green bean recipe, and used an excel spreadsheet to map out the preparation timing. After a whole day cooking, I’d sit down to the meal feeling drained and spent. The meal was over in twenty minutes.
I was more focused on functional presents that people needed as opposed to “how can I wow them”. There was more worth in the gifts and I didn’t have that feeling of overwhelm afterward about “how can I pay for this.” I was freed from the concern “is this gift enough or are they going to be disappointed.” The next day, my son wore his new sweater and my daughter wore he new jeans. They really did need them, and they really did like them.
Thank you Judith for clearing me of the Seduction by the Ideal of Christmas. I now look forward to Christmas next year.