Janet and I were walking back from lunch during an HBLU training this spring, and the weather was unseasonably warm and sunny. I happily remarked that my tulips were coming up already and I was looking forward to seeing them bloom. Janet said, “Well, I’m worried that since we are having such unusual weather, it will snow next week and kill your tulips.” “Wow, do you always ruin happy thoughts like that?” I remarked. “It must be hard to live like that.” Janet thought for a minute, and realized that she tended to focus on the negative.
George was working on weight loss. At the beginning of each of 6 sessions he would report yet another milestone in his progress and then comment that “I don’t really know if it’s HBLU that’s helping, and I hope the results last.” I finally asked him why he would tell me something positive and then try to discount it. He told me that he was afraid to acknowledge the positive for fear it would be taken away from him. Janet later told me that she had the same fear.
Fortunately for Janet and George, this habit was a simple seducer strategy that they had picked up from superstitious family members. It is worded as follows:
I focus on the negative in order to get:
What is a Seducer Strategy?
Seduction patterns arise from a trauma that causes a person to feel dead or empty inside. The dead part does not want to be dead or empty, but it does not know how to bring itself back to life. It believes that the only way it can come back to life is if somebody outside of itself gives it what it needs to come back to life. We call these life and death requirements critical elements and they come in the form of gifts or benefits.
In a seducee pattern, the person being seduced (seducee) attempts to get what he/she needs by accepting gifts/benefits or the promise of gifts/benefits from the seducer. The seducee pays for what he/she gets by allowing the seducer to drain him/her of positive qualities like energy, joy, and compassion. In a seducer strategy, the person doing the seducing (seducer) tries to get what he/she needs by offering to provide the gifts/benefits (i.e. bribing) or by threatening or doing other manipulative behaviors. In effect, the promise from both seducer and seducee is, “I’ll bring you to life with what I’m offering.”
Sadly, it is not really possible for someone outside of you to completely bring you to life. The most that anyone gets in a seduction pattern is a small amount of what the dead part needs, and it is insufficient, perverted, and unsatisfying. Both parties are hooked on the crumb of what they have gotten and the hope of more to come. Neither side can let go because the dead part is afraid that if it gives up what little it is getting it will go back to being completely dead which is unacceptable. You can usually tell if you’re seducing or someone is seducing you if you feel frustrated and drained after interacting with that person!
The only way to free yourself of a seducer strategy is towrite out your version of the seducer strategy, list what you are (desperately) trying to get by doing that and say a prayer asking God to free you. The intervention works instantly regardless of attitudes toward or belief in God.
Focus on the Positive:
Write out the seducer strategy and list what you are trying to get by doing that.”
Locate in your body where you feel desperate for these benefits.
Say the prayer:
“I renounce this strategy, I focus on the negative in order to get ___ (examples:)
and I pray God to free me from everyone I do this with and I pray God to heal all parts of myself. I pray God to free me from this seducer strategy, and I pray God to free me from this whole pattern and everything that made me susceptible to it. I pray God to heal me of all the damage I’ve ever done to myself and others while under the influence of this pattern and erase it so completely it’s as if it never happened. Poof! I pray God to provide me with whatever else I need in the benefits areas.”
Now, you will be able to enjoy a more internally happy experience of life and get satisfaction from the positive results and achievements in your life!!