Money, Personality and Relationship

Judith A. Swack • January 9, 2024

My favorite subject is getting and keeping people happily married. I have found that Enneagram personality type is an important determinant of people’s approach to money. Personality differences about money can cause chronic anxiety and frustration and even lead to dissolution of the marriage.


Example 1 . Enneagram 5’s are programmed to believe that there is not enough energy, money, resources, etc. They tend to collect things and hoard their money. 5’s long for someone to take care of them and provide security by making money.


Enneagram 8’s love to work and believe that you make money by working hard. They long for the day they wouldn’t have to work so hard.


Fred is an Enneagram 5 financial success. Sally is an Enneagram 8 with a viable but stressful business. When they first started dating, Fred generously suggested that Sally rid herself of problematic customers and he would support her financially. Ironically, Sally thought she had just met her hero. She gave up most of her business and became a part-time housewife (while doing her business part time since she could not bring herself to completely stop working). Within a few months, Fred was raging at Sally calling her lazy and childish. He did not need to be taken care of by a housewife. He wanted her to take care of him by making money. Fred claimed he would never marry her till she did! With the help of HBLU SM, Sally learned she could simultaneously have a successful business and a successful relationship. Fred acknowledged his personality structure. Sally rebuilt her business. Fred stopped raging. They got married.


Example 2 . Enneagram 7’s believe that they can make money by making their big dreams and visions come true. They prefer to occupy their minds with ideas about how to make lots of money without being slaves to the 9-5 establishment. They imagine they can have freedom to stop working whenever they want and play through life. I’ve seen several Enneagram 7’s turn to financial gambling either as stock market investors or venture capitalists resulting in financial ruin and death of relationships.


George, an Enneagram 7, married Sue, an Enneagram 5. George and Sue agreed that they would like to share their life together traveling and having adventures. George decided to make money as a day trader on the stock market so that he could work only when and as many hours as he desired. Sue agreed not to work. George found himself working in front of the computer every day…all day… and doing research in the evenings. Sue accused him of “gambling away her money” and became hostile and anxious. George was successful at day trading and refused to give it up. He tried to assuage her anxiety by inviting her to participate in the research and investment decision – making process. HBLU SM helped them realize they could not reconcile their value systems. Sue gave up trying to change George’s dream and they parted ways.


Example 3. Enneagram 9’s are very generous because they want everyone to love and accept them. When they have money, they feel compelled to give it away.


Sam, an Enneagram 9 married Andrea, an Enneagram 8. They were both hard workers and made equal amounts of money. Andrea was hoping that she could make enough money so that she wouldn’t have to work so hard and could afford to take more vacations (meaning travel to exotic locations around the globe where she could have adventures.) Sam gave money and gifts to charities and people without consulting Andrea. Andrea got furious when she discovered that Sam had “given away her hard-earned money.” Sam, of course, felt that spending money on vacations was a waste. After exploring their Enneagram types with HBLU SM , they agreed not to make donations or gifts over $25 without consulting each other, and to limit themselves to one adventure vacation/year.

Our Enneagram type accounts for much of how we perceive, understand, and value money. To build a healthy relationship, I recommend that everyone discover their and their partner’s Enneatype (there are many books on the topic). Understanding each other’s approach to money will enable you to make healthy financial agreements through all the years of your partnership.
 

Copyright 2005 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D.

October 2005 Judith A. Swack and Associates, Inc. Newsletter

A vector graphic of a woman with 4 arms multi-tasking. Cooking, signing papers, and watering plants

June's Miracle

By C. C. Life Coach • June 24, 2025
Dear Judith, Of all the work we have done, of all the monumental healings and shifts you and your work has helped to facilitate in my life- this piece was the most hidden, the most perverse, the most subconscious- and was driving my life into oblivion. I could not live one more day enslaving myself to my family, being stuck in a loveless abusive marriage. I was exhausted and stuck begging G-d for a way out (any way out). Until you your work and my soul discovered that we needed to unblock my energy fields from using evil to seduce- by running a pathologically self-serving and self-absorbed seduction pattern. Here I was a slave to my family, doing everything, getting nothing- I was the last person self-serving. How did my soul and you even find this. At first I thought no… Until you pointed out that this is what Enneagram 4s do to get love. And it all clicked. This was the seduction. IF I enslave myself, I will get love- so it was all my agenda my mission- I was “doing everything for them” which was the illusion, the seduction I was under- but it was truly a manipulative pattern I ran to try to get love from everyone I could. Only to fail miserably- and to feel even worse. I felt powerless and stuck. Until you said those words…. And through your work- we prayed- and the seduction and illusion vanished. Poof just like that! I can’t believe this has all been me all this time. I WAS DESPERATE TO GET: Love, safety, approval, success & wealth & WORSHIP & WORLD DOMINATION What I learned was that I created a pattern of need. Everyone had to need me- I had to do it all- so people would love me. Because deep inside I doubted they could just love me for me. And that I truly don’t have to do anything for love. And neither does anyone… & that I just give it up and teach my family to be self-sufficient so they DONT NEED me and we can establish love for the sake of love. OR SCREW UP MY WHOLE FAMILY AND LIFE PERPETRATING EVIL BY BEING PATHOLOGICALLY SELFISH. Here are my learnings: I’m just another cog in the wheel and that’s ok. We all are working together. No one better or worse. There is no need to dominate just to do each of our missions. I was seduced into thinking I was so selfless and altruistic because I was working for what I thought “was everyone else’s good” but was really still what I thought- and my agenda I have been self-abusing all this time, putting myself last so I could get sympathy and love. I was acting like a victim and poor me to myself & failing because I got no sympathy gratitude or love… When we interviewed my husband - I sat still. It was the first time I could listen to him and learn. I was still - like air. Without an agenda. & It’s the first time I feel still. And my nervous system relaxed. The first time I’m not working to get something in every action. Today I put my agenda down. It feels so light and relaxing and freeing It’s all been one big undercover operation to get love shrouded in a mission to do for others so no one would ever find me out. That it was all about me. And it didn’t make sense until you said I was pathologically selfish and self-absorbed. Me? No!!!… oh my gosh yes…. And the shell around me shattered. I can relax and just be me for the first time in decades…. You and your work- Judith- I’m just in disbelief- after being in disbelief many times- you’ve changed my life. Thank you Thank you Thank you. You’re a true genius Judith. I can never thank you enough. You are my teacher my mentor and I’m so grateful to have been given you to guide me in this life. I only hope to help your work reach millions. All the Best! C. C. Life Coach

Nothing Is Impossible.

By Copyright 2025 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. • January 31, 2025
James ’s brother, Samuel , sustained severe traumatic brain injury from a car accident. He spent the year going to many doctors for treatment, but could barely function. Samuel complained that not only did standard medical care not help him, but the doctors ignored and mistreated him. Whenever James suggested any complementary therapies, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, or HBLU, Samuel immediately came up with excuses as to why going for that kind of treatment was impossible. (Notice that he didn’t claim that that kind of treatment wouldn’t work. He just made it impossible to get there.) James said, “Even though I feel really guilty about it, I’ve stopped trying to help him because he makes everything impossible.” Monica ’s 25-year-old son, Ed , suffers from such severe debilitating Crohn’s disease that he couldn’t finish high school, can’t work, can’t leave the house, and can barely leave his room. Traditional medical care and medication is not helping. Monica and her husband bought him a dog thinking that would cheer him up, but Ed does not interact with it. Monica has suggested and made appointments for many complementary therapies such as nutrition, naturopathy, family therapy, and HBLU, but Ed refuses to go to these appointments. Monica experiences guilt and deep sorrow that her son is so ill, and she and her husband haven’t been able to help him. Valerie ’s partner, Nancy , is 200 pounds overweight, suffers from ADD and severe anxiety, and hates her job. Nancy had been on medication for the ADD and anxiety, but when her psychiatrist retired, never attempted to find another provider and let her medication lapse. When Valerie suggested that Nancy find new doctors and get back on medication to help her mental function and treatment for overweight, Nancy refused to make any follow-up phone calls or emails. Although they had gotten engaged in the Spring, by Fall, Valerie had asked for the ring back. Valerie said, “I don’t think I can live with her if she refuses to take care of herself and won’t let me help her.” What do James, Monica, and Valerie all have in common? They feel deep sorrow, guilt, and frustration that they can’t help someone they care about deeply. But the people who are suffering are also trapped in a pattern that continues to cause them suffering. Both the impotent helpers and the perpetual sufferers are trapped in a seducer strategy called, “I’m impossible.” What is a Seduction Pattern? Seduction patterns are some of the most energy draining, perverse, and frustrating patterns a person can experience. People with seduction patterns get tricked into doing things they don’t want to do. They are unable to leave bad relationships, jobs, family, or other upsetting situations.
A woman is sitting on a couch talking to a psychologist.

November's Miracle

By S.C. LICSW • November 20, 2024
It’s that time again, where I get to shout out another amazing woman. Dr. Judith Swack has changed my life! In fact she has changed our family’s life. I found her in summer of 2023 . There was so much unhealed shit and my body was paying for it. I am 46 years old, and I have been in therapy on and off since I was 13. I’ve had some lovely therapists. I’m also a therapist myself. And I can honestly, wholeheartedly say, NOTHING has ever helped with lasting changes as much as Judith. She’s one of the smartest women I’ve ever met - she’s a neuroscientist + an energy healer. And the work she does - what we do in session - cannot even really explain it. It’s weird as f*ck. And it works!! In the past little over a year, I have managed to change a couple of behaviors I have not been able to change in 20 years. no exaggeration, and not for lack of trying. One of my 11 year old sons was paralyzed by fear of spiders - had a phobia, happened to be with me one day when I had an appointment and was going to wait in the waiting room, she said he could come in even though she doesn’t work with kids. I kid you not, she fixed that sh*t. In one session. He still doesn’t like spiders, but he isn’t frozen in fear anymore - he can get a tissue and pick it up and move on. This is unbelievable. And remember last week when I Saturday spotlighted my financial coach and how my husband’s feeling lonely in that part of our marriage is now getting resolved? Well, before I reached out to my financial coach to begin with, my husband and I had a joint session with Dr. Swack, where she helped heal a piece of our relationship which we’ve been stuck, going in circles for years! That clearing gave me the energy and thought to reach out for financial coaching to begin with… And if you need any convincing that this is the person for healing from trauma, I invite you to reach out and speak with my husband himself…. I % believe in all this energy healing etc, but he is a very logical, rational, no bullshit guy. He doesn’t do therapy. Talk therapy never worked for him, and he thinks it’s a complete waste. And I couldn’t explain this to him - how this is different or what it is. Nor did I try. I didn’t even ever suggest he should go… But when he saw our son get cured of the arachnophobia, and our son is very similar to him, no bullshit, rational, logical, and he said it worked, and we saw it worked he decided to try it… He decided to give it sessions… I think to prove to both of us it was all bullshit. He came home from the first session livid. But decided he would go back. He also came back from the second session angry, and told me all about how he yelled at Dr. Swack and told her it was bullshit… AND how she didn’t give a f*ck what he thought …”it doesn’t matter if you believe it or think it’s bullshit, I’m not talking to your rational mind, I’m talking to your subconscious” she’s told him numerous times… And suffice to say, he’s been about 9x now, and he too, is operating fundamentally differently. Our marriage is operating fundamentally differently. Traumas and patterns we have both carried and acted upon for years seem to be being dissolved. It’s really wild. If you are seeking a trauma healer or healing for anything, I can’t recommend Dr. Swack higher. I once asked Dr. Swack how to explain what she does to people, and she said “tell them I work with your subconscious”. I don’t think that really explains it fully… or maybe it does… either way it’s amazing. S.C. LICSW
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