Money, Personality and Relationship

Judith A. Swack • January 9, 2024

My favorite subject is getting and keeping people happily married. I have found that Enneagram personality type is an important determinant of people’s approach to money. Personality differences about money can cause chronic anxiety and frustration and even lead to dissolution of the marriage.


Example 1 . Enneagram 5’s are programmed to believe that there is not enough energy, money, resources, etc. They tend to collect things and hoard their money. 5’s long for someone to take care of them and provide security by making money.


Enneagram 8’s love to work and believe that you make money by working hard. They long for the day they wouldn’t have to work so hard.


Fred is an Enneagram 5 financial success. Sally is an Enneagram 8 with a viable but stressful business. When they first started dating, Fred generously suggested that Sally rid herself of problematic customers and he would support her financially. Ironically, Sally thought she had just met her hero. She gave up most of her business and became a part-time housewife (while doing her business part time since she could not bring herself to completely stop working). Within a few months, Fred was raging at Sally calling her lazy and childish. He did not need to be taken care of by a housewife. He wanted her to take care of him by making money. Fred claimed he would never marry her till she did! With the help of HBLU SM, Sally learned she could simultaneously have a successful business and a successful relationship. Fred acknowledged his personality structure. Sally rebuilt her business. Fred stopped raging. They got married.


Example 2 . Enneagram 7’s believe that they can make money by making their big dreams and visions come true. They prefer to occupy their minds with ideas about how to make lots of money without being slaves to the 9-5 establishment. They imagine they can have freedom to stop working whenever they want and play through life. I’ve seen several Enneagram 7’s turn to financial gambling either as stock market investors or venture capitalists resulting in financial ruin and death of relationships.


George, an Enneagram 7, married Sue, an Enneagram 5. George and Sue agreed that they would like to share their life together traveling and having adventures. George decided to make money as a day trader on the stock market so that he could work only when and as many hours as he desired. Sue agreed not to work. George found himself working in front of the computer every day…all day… and doing research in the evenings. Sue accused him of “gambling away her money” and became hostile and anxious. George was successful at day trading and refused to give it up. He tried to assuage her anxiety by inviting her to participate in the research and investment decision – making process. HBLU SM helped them realize they could not reconcile their value systems. Sue gave up trying to change George’s dream and they parted ways.


Example 3. Enneagram 9’s are very generous because they want everyone to love and accept them. When they have money, they feel compelled to give it away.


Sam, an Enneagram 9 married Andrea, an Enneagram 8. They were both hard workers and made equal amounts of money. Andrea was hoping that she could make enough money so that she wouldn’t have to work so hard and could afford to take more vacations (meaning travel to exotic locations around the globe where she could have adventures.) Sam gave money and gifts to charities and people without consulting Andrea. Andrea got furious when she discovered that Sam had “given away her hard-earned money.” Sam, of course, felt that spending money on vacations was a waste. After exploring their Enneagram types with HBLU SM , they agreed not to make donations or gifts over $25 without consulting each other, and to limit themselves to one adventure vacation/year.

Our Enneagram type accounts for much of how we perceive, understand, and value money. To build a healthy relationship, I recommend that everyone discover their and their partner’s Enneatype (there are many books on the topic). Understanding each other’s approach to money will enable you to make healthy financial agreements through all the years of your partnership.
 

Copyright 2005 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D.

October 2005 Judith A. Swack and Associates, Inc. Newsletter

Hands cupped towards the sun in a cloudy, golden sky, evoking feelings of hope.

Bless Everyone

By Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. • December 2, 2025
Copyright 2013, revised 2025 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. At the recent ACEP conference (May 2013) I ran into Jane, a woman who had attended my presentation at the Energy Psychology conference the previous October. There I had demonstrated an energy transmission technique that I called “The Look” in which someone remembers a traumatic emotion, locates that feeling in his/her body, and I look at it. About 10 seconds later, the feeling dissolves. At the end of that session, I transmitted that ability to anyone who wished to receive it.
Woman with curly hair in a red sweater hugging herself, eyes closed, against a blue background.

Successful Treatment of Physical Problems Starts with Acceptance

By Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. • September 29, 2025
Copyright 2014 revised 2025 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. Three years ago, John’s blood sugar levels started to rise. Although John’s father and several other relatives had diabetes, John refused to believe he might really have a problem. Although his doctor had encouraged him to modify his diet and lose weight, John continued to eat whatever he wanted, not exercise, and stay fat. Now at age 52, his fasting blood sugar was 150 (normal is 70-99). When I asked him if he knew that he had diabetes, he told me that there was controversy over whether or not fasting blood glucose was a legitimate test for diabetes, and the medical establishment was now considering the A1C measurement as more accurate. So John got an A1C test, which also showed he was diabetic.

Open Does Not Mean Vulnerable

By Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. • August 26, 2025
Copyright 2025 Judith A. Swack, Ph.D. Jane was dating two men at once and having trouble deciding who to choose. She listed all of John’s wonderful qualities and all of Steven’s wonderful qualities and remarked, “If I could just put the two of them together I’d have the perfect man.” When asked why she didn’t just date one man who had everything, she said she was keeping one man as a backup because she didn’t feel safe with either one of them. Puzzled, I asked, “Why would you date, let alone marry, anyone you didn’t feel safe with? Clearly, you’ll never marry either of these men.” Jane simply looked astonished. Love is a beautiful thing. We all need to love and be loved. Sadly, many of us have been hurt by the people we love and who are supposed to love us. When that happens, we no longer feel safe, and we shut down the ability to give and receive love. The tragedy is that we can no longer feel loved or experience ourselves as loving beings. We no longer experience the nourishing flow of warm golden buttery energy that uplifts the heart/soul, connects us all, and soothes all pain. And everyone else we could be loving is robbed. According to the dictionary, the word “vulnerable” means open to attack. When someone says, “I’m afraid to be vulnerable” he/she should be afraid to be vulnerable, but he/she should not be afraid to be emotionally open, emotionally present, or emotionally close. Opening to give and receive love should not make one vulnerable. So what to do about it? With HBLU we acknowledge the fear and heal the traumas, dysfunctional family system and cultural brainwashing patterns that caused it. This allows people to reach out with their hearts and share one of the greatest gifts in life. If you or anyone you know would like to open your heart to love, get happily married, or improve your marriage or other relationships, HBLU methodology can help you. If you would like to learn more or schedule an appointment, please call 781-444-6940 , email info@hblu.org , or go to www.hblu.org . Blessings, Judith