Self Help Articles

Sally and Frank came to me with the complaint, “He/she doesn’t love me.” When I asked Sally what Frank could do to make her feel loved, she said, “He needs to tell me I’m beautiful.” Further exploration revealed that she needed to hear this once a day. Although we tested other adjectives like gorgeous, fantastic, pretty, cute, adorable, fabulous, wonderful, terrific…no other adjective gave her the feeling of being loved. Frank agreed to do this one simple thing. In contrast, Frank needed someone to pet his head (anywhere on his head) about once a week to feel loved. Sally agreed to do this.

A long time ago, before we had an individual consciousness we were flowing protoplasm in the body of God which I think of as a giant energy amoeba. There we were, flowing joy and bliss.

Janet’s husband committed suicide while at a business conference. Janet’s pain was so intolerable she started drinking every day, and could not sleep without medication. Had he been drinking? Was the company covering something up? Had he said anything to her in their phone calls that should have alerted her to his state of mind? After a few months, her well meaning friends and family members encouraged her to “let go and move on.” After all, she was still young and had her whole life ahead of her. They were certain she would marry again.

Danielle worked as a scientist at the NIH. Her boss agreed to be her PhD. faculty advisor at a local university. To satisfy him and the requirements for a student loan she took 4 courses per semester, worked 6 days a week in the lab, and spent every evening and Sundays doing homework. Three months later Danielle experienced continuous sharp stabbing pains in her stomach. The doctors could find nothing wrong and suggested antacids. When interviewed, the part of Danielle that was generating the stabbing pains said it wanted her to quit graduate school because she was only eating one meal a day and not getting enough sleep. The stabbing pain stopped instantly when Danielle promised to eat 3 meals a day and get 8 hours of sleep every night regardless of unfinished homework.

Part I: Seduction, Part II: Phobias

That’s obvious you say. So what’s the big deal? Who even wants to be competent at everything? The logical answer is to decide what areas of competence are important to you, and if you’re not good in those areas, take a class, learn a skill, read a book, have somebody teach you how to do it, hire or marry someone with that skill. And where you are incompetent but don’t want to or can’t do anything about it, accept it gracefully.

That’s obvious you say. So what’s the big deal? Who even wants to be competent at everything? The logical answer is to decide what areas of competence are important to you, and if you’re not good in those areas, take a class, learn a skill, read a book, have somebody teach you how to do it, hire or marry someone with that skill. And where you are incompetent but don’t want to or can’t do anything about it, accept it gracefully.

Kathleen finished her Ph.D. in 3 ½ years instead of 5 by taking a heavier course load than required, spending 7 days a week doing research, and writing her dissertation. One month before her dissertation defense, she discovered that her post-graduation job had fallen through. Expecting to start the new job immediately, she had used up the last of her funds. Already exhausted, the prospect of having to find a new job was overwhelming. The next morning she woke up with the peculiar and insistent sensation of wanting to die.

Diagnosis shock is the traumatic reaction people experience the moment they first suspect or are told that they have a serious physical or emotional illness. Sadly, health care providers are not trained to recognize or treat psychological trauma. Left untreated, diagnosis shock can cause a host of emotional and physical problems substantially eroding a person’s health and quality of life. In fact, researchers in the field of health psychology have found that in some people the trauma can be so severe it can lead to mental illness such as depression and anxiety.